sex vs. romance

Dear diary,

                I dont really know when my facination for diaries started. Maybe it was when i was younger, when my friends and I would trade different stationaries, and we would write senseless stuff to each other. Or maybe that time when I read my mom's diary and I saw her poetry, and decided to give it a try and see if I had a knack for it. Or maybe coz I just have to many brilliant thoughts in my mind that I wanted to document it.

                 I started writing when I was a freshman in highschool. I joined the school paper and wrote several articles. Then I started writing poetry. Then I decided to just write short sentences, sort of quotes, or reminders. Coz I was too lazy to write anything long.  I kept buying different journals and notebooks thru the years, but I always kept one where I wrote everything. When I saw a new one, I would start transferring my poetry there, till i get tired, and then Id find another journal, and transfer it there again. I know, how stupid is that :P
               Then one of my ex's, my beau at that time, told me to burn my poetry notebook. He said he cannot bear to read all those love-stricken poetry about other men, so I should burn it. Well its not like I wrote about a lot of men. But most of the things I wrote about were about love of course. So yeah, I did burn it. And yeah, we did split after a few years.
                After that, I thought my journal fondness was over. But when I started going to starbucks, and I came across the starbucks planner, it was love at first sight. Their sticker idea was a good one. It made me go everyday for coffee even if i wasnt really much of a coffee drinker. One time i even drank 2 venti Americanos consecutively. By the time i got to work, i was palpitating and scared shit. I thought my heart was gonna jump out of my shirt. Scary shit i tell u. But at least I did get 2 stickers for it :D
Til eventually i lost the drive for manually writing, and decided to blog instead. My first domain was loveandotherdemons.com, last 2006, which I had for a year. Then I tried other blogging platforms. I think I have one in every platform, in every popular blogging website lol. I guess some facinations never really get resolved. Or as how Freud would put it, i am probly fixated over something.

give and take

faith

I believe in being able to make something new.
I believe in newer aspects of old things,
Being able to fix what had been broken.
Reforming the past,
Going for the future,
I believe in change.
I believe in you.
In this new adventure starting
As your horizons expand,
May good luck pursue you
May your pockets be heavy
May trouble be always a stranger to you.
Whatever your position is, hope its a good one.
Be a good one.
You’ll be warmed up in no time.
And when it feels that your day lasts longer than others,
Remember to count your blessings,
The way I count you twice.
Theres just something about you that sticks.
There is nothing that will make me forget you.
Not even close.
Not even a bit.
I’ll hate to miss you but i will.

~ something i wrote last year, for a friend, when he said he was starting work at a new place

Intoxication

I love being that drunk girl you keep teasing me about. It makes me feel alive, you know. It makes me live the intensity of my emotions, the raw pleasure of breathing in and out of the moment. And for the record, I really dont get myself drunk, just intoxicated. Has a better ring to it. And I only drink during bad days, hah! Lets face it, even when you think you are at the top of your game, sometimes you have this feeling that your off days are just getting worse. And even when I have friends to talk to, sometimes the confidence that others have in me just isnt enough to fill the void of confidence I used to have. Making me feel like everything has been taken away from me, and that Ive got nothing left.